WooHoo!!

Well folks....the cysts are gone! Eric and I are now free to start the next phase of our IVF journey. It's the best news I have heard in months. I left the doctors office this morning with a huge smile on my face...I'm pretty sure that smile will last for the next few days.

On Monday I call to find out the details of this next phase...when it will start, how long it will take, what drugs I will be on, and hopefully my implantation date.

More Waiting...

Saw Dr. Rychlik today. The good news is that my cyst is shrinking....the bad news is that I have a new one. So...we wait another 2 weeks then re-check them again.

Another bump in the road...

Today was the first appointment with my fertility doctor since being in the hospital. My hopes were to discuss the next steps of treatment so that we could get back on track with IVF. I have been feeling great and I just knew they were going to give me a date for implantation. So...you can imagine my shock and disappointment when I was told they found a large cyst on my left ovary. The Dr said that some cysts are normal...that they are usually quite small and go away on their own. Mine however...was abnormally large. I was told that if the cysts does not shrink and go away on its own I will need to have surgery to remove it. I think I'm still in shock at this news. Seriously....what more can I go through?!?! 

I go back in 2 weeks to have it checked out again. I pray this sucker shrinks.

Hospital

I've been in hospitals before. Had a few surgeries, visited a few friends, but I've never actually stayed overnight in one. So when I was told I was being admitted I didn't know quite what to expect. The first two nights were pretty hard because I had to stay by myself. I tried sleeping and was unsuccessful. I tried watching TV but at 3 in the morning there isn't much on. Nurses were in and out all night, checking vitals, giving me meds and making sure I was as comfortable as I could be.


On Wednesday my mom flew into town and I was so happy! Sure, Eric was great at being there and taking care of me, but there is nothing like having your momma around when you are sick. (I think Eric was secretly relieved to have her there as well.) That same day they decided I needed to have a drain put in so that they could drain the fluid in the abscess. Sounds pretty disgusting, and it was. The drain was inserted through my back. Well...more like the love handle/booty section of my back. I was awake during the procedure and it was intense. I kept telling myself that I could get through it and that it would be over soon. However, after 2 days they decieded I needed another one because just one drain wasnt cuttin it. So once again I had to endure a painful procedure while awake. I now had two long tubes coming out of my butt with these clear bulb type sacs attached...awesome. I carried those suckers around for 7 days. Let me tell ya, it made things difficult. I had to sleep on my side, have help when showering, wear pants that were big enough to fit over them, and when walking the floor I had to make sure I wore a jacket that hid them. I'm sure the other patients were happy not to have seen my junk filled sacs. 

(Fred and Ethyl - yes, I named the lil guys)

By Saturday I had had enough. I was so broken and felt as if I just could not go on. I was angry with God mostly. I didn't understand why he was allowing me to suffer this way. I remember laying on the floor of the bathroom crying out "Lord, please make it all go away". I believed with every ounce of my being that he could make it go away, but for some reason he wasn't. I was done with the pain, done with being poked and prodded, done with IV's, beeping machines, uncomfortable beds and awful TV. I wanted to be home in my bed with my puppies and hubby. I felt as if God had just abandoned me right there in that hospital room...I felt so alone.

The good news is that I wasn't alone and God so kindly reminded me of that. I believe that he sent me the wonderful doctors and nurses to remind me that I was going to make it through. I met 2 nurses who were currently going through IVF...they were able to share their stories with me and it gave me hope. My Doctor, Dr.Ashfaq told me on Monday that he believed it was a miracle made by God that the abscess had gone away. He believed in prayer and had been praying for me to be healed. I don't know about you, but....I've never been in a "secular" type place where so many people were open and willing to share their faith in God. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that God did that. He wasn't going to take my pain away, but he was going to show me that He was there and that He was going to get me through it.

On Tuesday I got the news I had been waiting for....I was free to go home! It was music to my ears. Although I was free to go home, I was not totally healed. The one condition for my release is that I had to have a PICC line...basically an IV that you can travel with. Having the PICC line put in was quite painful but I dealt with it since it meant I was free to go home. I've been wearing "barney" for a week now and I have one more week to go. It's a little frustrating having to plan my day around when I do my meds. At 1:00 everyday I have to mix my meds and then sit and wait for them to slowly drip into my body.  I know its just an hour out of my day and that in the grand scheme of things...2 weeks is nothing. Once this sucker comes out I will switch to oral antibiotics for 2 weeks and then, I should be abscess free!

(Barney the PICC Line)

(Flowers and such from my wonderful Friends & Family)

I Have A What?!?!

I never dreamed my life would come to a complete halt but this month it did. I mean....who thinks doing IVF will land you in the hospital for 10 days? Probably not many people and I pray that it doesn't happen to anyone. 

Remember in my last post when I said I was feeling a little bit better but still had some weird side effects? Well...let's just say that those side effects got worse. I spiked a fever of 101 that did not go away. After 2 days of the fever I called my Dr. only to be told that it was normal. I was told that my fever and other symptoms should go away soon and that once I got my period I would feel 100% better. So for the next 5 days I tried to push through, I kept praying that things would get better and I tried to stay focused on why I was going through all of this. My fever continued...I went back and forth from being freezing and my whole body shaking to sweating as if it were 120 degrees. My leg muscle and back pain intensified, I had no appetite, I was nauseous, and all I wanted to do was lay in bed...I felt so weak. Eric was in Boston during this time and I remember calling him and telling him that I knew something else had to be wrong with me. Certainly IVF recovery and OHSS couldn't be THIS bad. I had done some research on OHSS and my symptoms just weren't adding up. I kept telling Eric It felt as if I had a virus or a bug. I was so frustrated because the Dr's kept telling me that it was just taking longer for me to recover. I was also pissed off at my body for not healing as fast as I would have liked. I seriously felt like I was going nuts!!


I picked Eric up from the airport on Sept. 3rd and I guess I must have looked pretty awful because he said that once we got home we were going straight to the ER. I wasn't about to complain...I was feeling as awful as I looked and I just wanted someone to figure out what was wrong.  Our first visit was pretty unsuccessful. They did a bunch of tests hoping to find out what was wrong...but after 4 hours they just had no idea why I was so sick. They sent me home and told me that if things got worse I could come back in. The next night my fever spiked to 103 and I started to have some lower abdominal pain. Eric called the Dr. and we were told to come right in. They ran a CT scan once I got there and it revealed that I had a gigantic pelvic abscess (about the size of a grapefruit). Yippiee! They had found something and I wasn't nuts after all!  But....what the heck was a pelvic abscess? Up until this point I thought an abscess was only something you could get in your mouth. I was clueless as to what it was, why it was there or how they were going to make it go away. All I know is that I was admitted that night and ended up staying for 10 days.


I've been out of the hospital for 2 days now and I could not be more happy. I still have another month of recovery...2 weeks with IV antibiotics and then 2 weeks of oral antibiotics. I've made it through the worst of things and I know things can only go up from here. Once I'm feeling better I will share more about my stay and about the wonderful people I encountered while there. For now, I will rest and be thankful to be home.

OHSS

I had my egg retrieval about a week ago. I thought I would be prepared for it, but again I guess I was wrong. I've had surgeries in the past...never had issues with anesthesia or pain meds, and usually had a fast painless recovery. While this procedure did go well, the after effects did not. I got sick from the anesthesia and was in a lot of pain. I was told that my recovery would be a day and that I should be able work after that. Well....that didn't happen. I was lucky enough to get a syndrome called ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome (OHSS) which caused fluid to collect around my entire abdomen and in my chest as well. I did a little research and only about 14% of IVF patients get this OHSS...I'm pretty lucky right? 

I have to say that my recovery period was pretty much the most awful 5 days of pain I've ever experienced.  I was down for the count and definitely did not go back to work the next day. The pain meds they gave me didn't work...I was cramping, nauseous, bloated (I looked 5 months pregnant) and exhausted because I couldn't lay down to sleep. I had to sleep sitting up which, for those of you who have been pregnant, you know how uncomfortable that is.  I'm also still wrestling with the fact that they weren't able to do the implantation this week. I'm frustrated that I have to prolong this awful experience.  To top it all off...I found out yesterday, that of my 17 embryos, only 6 grew to the size they needed to be. I had great hopes that we would have at least 10 which would give us 5 opportunities to implant. I'm still trying to stay very positive and remember that I'm doing this so that Eric and I can have a family. 6 healthy frozen embryos is much better than what some women end up with.  I need to try and remember that we only need 2 of those 6 to work!

Anyway...I have been feeling a little bit better the past 2 days but I am still having some weird side effects...headaches, MORE bloating and some pretty intense muscle pain in my legs and back. I've called the Dr. a few times just to check up and see if it really takes this long to recover....apparently it does.  I cannot wait for the day I'm feeling better and can start the next chapter of this IVF process. Until then...I will just be patient.

Side Effects...

From the beginning, the process of taking injections was very overwhelming and frustrating. The most overwhelming was the day I received the box of meds, it was HUGE! I never in my life knew it would take so many injections just to have one tiny baby. I thought that it would be easier than it was for the fact that I've dealt with my arthritis and taking injections for 10 years now...boy was I wrong. I broke down crying the first few times because the injections were very painful and on a part of my body I'm not use to doing them on. I was so angry, frustrated and sad that I was having to go through this. Why would God allow me to go through medical turmoil again? I've dealt with illness my entire life and for once I wanted things to be easy...I didn't want to be poked and prodded by doctors, give myself injections, or deal with nasty side effects. But...here I am again dealing with all of these things on top of the illness I already have.

The side effects have been no fun...horrible mood swings, bloating, bruises all over my stomach, loss of appetite, headaches, etc. Oh...and did I mention horrible mood swings? I've never really been one to cry a lot, but with the abundance of hormones I haven't been able to turn off the waterworks! Poor Eric...

I've tried to stay focused on the outcome of all of this, but it hasn't easy. I keep telling myself that this first round of injections is almost over and done with. I actually have 4 days left of it with my egg retrieval being on the 17th. I'm praying that it go well. I'm praying that God give me peace about my situation and for him to show me the good in it all. The one thing I do know is that even through I might get frustrated, disappointed, or down right pissed off.... he is right by my side and will be through the entire process.

Here is a picture of the insane amount of drugs....You would be overwhelmed too, Right??

This is the schedule I have to follow...Good thing they have spelled it out for me, I'd get confused!