Zoo Lights, Stomach Bugs and Shots...OH MY!

It's been an interesting week to say the least. It started off with 2 Christmas Eve services at Impact Church. Now, I've never been a Children's Director during the Christmas season and when I agreed to gather all children to sing 2 songs during the service I don't think I quite knew what I was getting myself into. The service was great and the kids did amazing...but the behind the scenes action however was not so great. We had way more kids than volunteers, 2 kids puked, and one pee'd on the stage while singing. The good news...I will definatly be better prepared for the next big event. The bad news...I ended up getting the pukey kids 24 hour stomach bug.

My family flew into town on Christmas Day and we had the most wonderful time. We had a packed house for Christmas dinner...My parents, Joy, Eric's Parents, his sister and then Eric and I. The food was amazing, the company was good and the games we played were hilarious. I think I could get use to having Christmas at my house!

I have a fertility appt tomorrow...They are to go over the details of my embryo transfer. I'm excited to get the details because I've been really nervous just thinking about the procedure. The shots and creams have been SUPER annoying...and gross..and something I'm quite frankly sick of doing. I've now added progesterone injections in addition to the other things, and they hurt like hell! Both sides of my hips/butt are bruised and numb.  I'm really trying to stay focused on the fact that it's only for a few more weeks and that if I end up pregnant I will NEVER have to do this again. I really REALLY pray this works the first time.

Phase 2

I started phase 2 of my IVF cycle one week ago today. So far...So good! I'm taking an estrogen pill 2 times a day, doing a lupron injection once a day, as well as an awesome creme. Can I just say that doing a cream is completely gross! I would rather have more injections then do a nasty ole cream...just sayin'.

As far as my side effects go, I haven't had many. I have a few bruises on my stomach from the injections and I've been a bit emotional....nothing I can't handle. I just pray things stay this way. Eric and I have family coming into town for Christmas and I really don't want to be an emotional basket case like I was last time. I've had enough of "crazy" and I know Eric has as well....Poor Guy :/

I go back to the Dr. next week to get blood work and an ultrasound done. They will also go over 2 new medications I'll start. One is a progesterone injection that Eric will have to give to me since it will have to go in my booty...nice. Can't wait to see how that goes! lol  

My shipment of drugs this time around wasn't too scary

This is my schedule...It's pretty rigorous!

WooHoo!!

Well folks....the cysts are gone! Eric and I are now free to start the next phase of our IVF journey. It's the best news I have heard in months. I left the doctors office this morning with a huge smile on my face...I'm pretty sure that smile will last for the next few days.

On Monday I call to find out the details of this next phase...when it will start, how long it will take, what drugs I will be on, and hopefully my implantation date.

More Waiting...

Saw Dr. Rychlik today. The good news is that my cyst is shrinking....the bad news is that I have a new one. So...we wait another 2 weeks then re-check them again.

Another bump in the road...

Today was the first appointment with my fertility doctor since being in the hospital. My hopes were to discuss the next steps of treatment so that we could get back on track with IVF. I have been feeling great and I just knew they were going to give me a date for implantation. So...you can imagine my shock and disappointment when I was told they found a large cyst on my left ovary. The Dr said that some cysts are normal...that they are usually quite small and go away on their own. Mine however...was abnormally large. I was told that if the cysts does not shrink and go away on its own I will need to have surgery to remove it. I think I'm still in shock at this news. Seriously....what more can I go through?!?! 

I go back in 2 weeks to have it checked out again. I pray this sucker shrinks.

Hospital

I've been in hospitals before. Had a few surgeries, visited a few friends, but I've never actually stayed overnight in one. So when I was told I was being admitted I didn't know quite what to expect. The first two nights were pretty hard because I had to stay by myself. I tried sleeping and was unsuccessful. I tried watching TV but at 3 in the morning there isn't much on. Nurses were in and out all night, checking vitals, giving me meds and making sure I was as comfortable as I could be.


On Wednesday my mom flew into town and I was so happy! Sure, Eric was great at being there and taking care of me, but there is nothing like having your momma around when you are sick. (I think Eric was secretly relieved to have her there as well.) That same day they decided I needed to have a drain put in so that they could drain the fluid in the abscess. Sounds pretty disgusting, and it was. The drain was inserted through my back. Well...more like the love handle/booty section of my back. I was awake during the procedure and it was intense. I kept telling myself that I could get through it and that it would be over soon. However, after 2 days they decieded I needed another one because just one drain wasnt cuttin it. So once again I had to endure a painful procedure while awake. I now had two long tubes coming out of my butt with these clear bulb type sacs attached...awesome. I carried those suckers around for 7 days. Let me tell ya, it made things difficult. I had to sleep on my side, have help when showering, wear pants that were big enough to fit over them, and when walking the floor I had to make sure I wore a jacket that hid them. I'm sure the other patients were happy not to have seen my junk filled sacs. 

(Fred and Ethyl - yes, I named the lil guys)

By Saturday I had had enough. I was so broken and felt as if I just could not go on. I was angry with God mostly. I didn't understand why he was allowing me to suffer this way. I remember laying on the floor of the bathroom crying out "Lord, please make it all go away". I believed with every ounce of my being that he could make it go away, but for some reason he wasn't. I was done with the pain, done with being poked and prodded, done with IV's, beeping machines, uncomfortable beds and awful TV. I wanted to be home in my bed with my puppies and hubby. I felt as if God had just abandoned me right there in that hospital room...I felt so alone.

The good news is that I wasn't alone and God so kindly reminded me of that. I believe that he sent me the wonderful doctors and nurses to remind me that I was going to make it through. I met 2 nurses who were currently going through IVF...they were able to share their stories with me and it gave me hope. My Doctor, Dr.Ashfaq told me on Monday that he believed it was a miracle made by God that the abscess had gone away. He believed in prayer and had been praying for me to be healed. I don't know about you, but....I've never been in a "secular" type place where so many people were open and willing to share their faith in God. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that God did that. He wasn't going to take my pain away, but he was going to show me that He was there and that He was going to get me through it.

On Tuesday I got the news I had been waiting for....I was free to go home! It was music to my ears. Although I was free to go home, I was not totally healed. The one condition for my release is that I had to have a PICC line...basically an IV that you can travel with. Having the PICC line put in was quite painful but I dealt with it since it meant I was free to go home. I've been wearing "barney" for a week now and I have one more week to go. It's a little frustrating having to plan my day around when I do my meds. At 1:00 everyday I have to mix my meds and then sit and wait for them to slowly drip into my body.  I know its just an hour out of my day and that in the grand scheme of things...2 weeks is nothing. Once this sucker comes out I will switch to oral antibiotics for 2 weeks and then, I should be abscess free!

(Barney the PICC Line)

(Flowers and such from my wonderful Friends & Family)

I Have A What?!?!

I never dreamed my life would come to a complete halt but this month it did. I mean....who thinks doing IVF will land you in the hospital for 10 days? Probably not many people and I pray that it doesn't happen to anyone. 

Remember in my last post when I said I was feeling a little bit better but still had some weird side effects? Well...let's just say that those side effects got worse. I spiked a fever of 101 that did not go away. After 2 days of the fever I called my Dr. only to be told that it was normal. I was told that my fever and other symptoms should go away soon and that once I got my period I would feel 100% better. So for the next 5 days I tried to push through, I kept praying that things would get better and I tried to stay focused on why I was going through all of this. My fever continued...I went back and forth from being freezing and my whole body shaking to sweating as if it were 120 degrees. My leg muscle and back pain intensified, I had no appetite, I was nauseous, and all I wanted to do was lay in bed...I felt so weak. Eric was in Boston during this time and I remember calling him and telling him that I knew something else had to be wrong with me. Certainly IVF recovery and OHSS couldn't be THIS bad. I had done some research on OHSS and my symptoms just weren't adding up. I kept telling Eric It felt as if I had a virus or a bug. I was so frustrated because the Dr's kept telling me that it was just taking longer for me to recover. I was also pissed off at my body for not healing as fast as I would have liked. I seriously felt like I was going nuts!!


I picked Eric up from the airport on Sept. 3rd and I guess I must have looked pretty awful because he said that once we got home we were going straight to the ER. I wasn't about to complain...I was feeling as awful as I looked and I just wanted someone to figure out what was wrong.  Our first visit was pretty unsuccessful. They did a bunch of tests hoping to find out what was wrong...but after 4 hours they just had no idea why I was so sick. They sent me home and told me that if things got worse I could come back in. The next night my fever spiked to 103 and I started to have some lower abdominal pain. Eric called the Dr. and we were told to come right in. They ran a CT scan once I got there and it revealed that I had a gigantic pelvic abscess (about the size of a grapefruit). Yippiee! They had found something and I wasn't nuts after all!  But....what the heck was a pelvic abscess? Up until this point I thought an abscess was only something you could get in your mouth. I was clueless as to what it was, why it was there or how they were going to make it go away. All I know is that I was admitted that night and ended up staying for 10 days.


I've been out of the hospital for 2 days now and I could not be more happy. I still have another month of recovery...2 weeks with IV antibiotics and then 2 weeks of oral antibiotics. I've made it through the worst of things and I know things can only go up from here. Once I'm feeling better I will share more about my stay and about the wonderful people I encountered while there. For now, I will rest and be thankful to be home.

OHSS

I had my egg retrieval about a week ago. I thought I would be prepared for it, but again I guess I was wrong. I've had surgeries in the past...never had issues with anesthesia or pain meds, and usually had a fast painless recovery. While this procedure did go well, the after effects did not. I got sick from the anesthesia and was in a lot of pain. I was told that my recovery would be a day and that I should be able work after that. Well....that didn't happen. I was lucky enough to get a syndrome called ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome (OHSS) which caused fluid to collect around my entire abdomen and in my chest as well. I did a little research and only about 14% of IVF patients get this OHSS...I'm pretty lucky right? 

I have to say that my recovery period was pretty much the most awful 5 days of pain I've ever experienced.  I was down for the count and definitely did not go back to work the next day. The pain meds they gave me didn't work...I was cramping, nauseous, bloated (I looked 5 months pregnant) and exhausted because I couldn't lay down to sleep. I had to sleep sitting up which, for those of you who have been pregnant, you know how uncomfortable that is.  I'm also still wrestling with the fact that they weren't able to do the implantation this week. I'm frustrated that I have to prolong this awful experience.  To top it all off...I found out yesterday, that of my 17 embryos, only 6 grew to the size they needed to be. I had great hopes that we would have at least 10 which would give us 5 opportunities to implant. I'm still trying to stay very positive and remember that I'm doing this so that Eric and I can have a family. 6 healthy frozen embryos is much better than what some women end up with.  I need to try and remember that we only need 2 of those 6 to work!

Anyway...I have been feeling a little bit better the past 2 days but I am still having some weird side effects...headaches, MORE bloating and some pretty intense muscle pain in my legs and back. I've called the Dr. a few times just to check up and see if it really takes this long to recover....apparently it does.  I cannot wait for the day I'm feeling better and can start the next chapter of this IVF process. Until then...I will just be patient.

Side Effects...

From the beginning, the process of taking injections was very overwhelming and frustrating. The most overwhelming was the day I received the box of meds, it was HUGE! I never in my life knew it would take so many injections just to have one tiny baby. I thought that it would be easier than it was for the fact that I've dealt with my arthritis and taking injections for 10 years now...boy was I wrong. I broke down crying the first few times because the injections were very painful and on a part of my body I'm not use to doing them on. I was so angry, frustrated and sad that I was having to go through this. Why would God allow me to go through medical turmoil again? I've dealt with illness my entire life and for once I wanted things to be easy...I didn't want to be poked and prodded by doctors, give myself injections, or deal with nasty side effects. But...here I am again dealing with all of these things on top of the illness I already have.

The side effects have been no fun...horrible mood swings, bloating, bruises all over my stomach, loss of appetite, headaches, etc. Oh...and did I mention horrible mood swings? I've never really been one to cry a lot, but with the abundance of hormones I haven't been able to turn off the waterworks! Poor Eric...

I've tried to stay focused on the outcome of all of this, but it hasn't easy. I keep telling myself that this first round of injections is almost over and done with. I actually have 4 days left of it with my egg retrieval being on the 17th. I'm praying that it go well. I'm praying that God give me peace about my situation and for him to show me the good in it all. The one thing I do know is that even through I might get frustrated, disappointed, or down right pissed off.... he is right by my side and will be through the entire process.

Here is a picture of the insane amount of drugs....You would be overwhelmed too, Right??

This is the schedule I have to follow...Good thing they have spelled it out for me, I'd get confused!

IVF

I've been debating whether I should write about the topic of IVF. I didn't really know if I wanted to get that personal on my blog. After all...what I write is out there for the world to see. Do I really want everyone knowing that much about my personal life?  And then I thought...If I write about my experiences with IVF and in the end don't end up with a bouncing bundle of joy...will I really want people knowing I failed? I've come realize that maybe I'm being just a little selfish. What if my experiences help someone going through the same thing? I guess I feel like if I could help just one person know what to expect or to know they aren't alone then sharing my story will be worth it.

I've always thought getting pregnant probably wouldn't be easy for me. I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis at the age of 14....so for more than half of my life I've been on some pretty hard core medications. I always just assumed that these medications would make me infertile or that I wouldn't be able to come off of them for the 9+ months I would need too while pregnant. It came as complete surprise to me when I was told by my Rheumatologist that I could in fact come off my meds and carry a baby successfully. He even said that most of his patients go into remission during pregnancy! So...In January, Eric and I decided to start trying. After trying for 6 months with no success and the fact that I was no longer ovulating, my primary care Dr. advised us to see a fertility specialist.

I never knew walking through the doors of a fertility clinic would be so nerve wracking! Eric and I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. It probably would have helped us out a little if we would have done our research, but....we didn't. At our first appointment we met with one of the nurses who performed an ultrasound, went over our medical history, and provided us with a background of the clinic. From there we met with the Dr. who advised that once all of our test results were back he would be able to let us know what route of treatment would be best for us.

Our 2nd appointment was scheduled for 2 weeks later...at that time we were told that IVF would be the best route for our situation. We were provided a calendar of "events" and an overview of what to expect. Talk about Overwhelming!! Eric and I left there with our heads spinning....we knew there would be a lot of things to do and drugs to take but we definitely weren't prepared for just how intense this journey would be.

Bethenny

I will admit...I love reality TV! And not just any reality TV...I love the drama filled, cat fighting, funny and love inspiring girl shows. Shows such as; Housewives of Orange County, New York, Beverly Hills and Atlanta....Guiliana & Bill...and last but certainly not least, Bethenny Ever After. I'm invested in these shows...They make me laugh, they make me cry, and sometimes...they make me down right irritated. These shows also make me thankful to live such a normal life.

In becoming invested in these shows I've become attached to some of the people on them. Some might say that I'm really just obsessed. If telling people that I feel like Bethenny and I would be great friends, and secretly ARE great friends....then ok, I might be a lil obsessed. Either way...I think she is great! So...Naturally, when I found out she was coming to Phoenix to promote her new skinny girl sangria I knew I had to be there. 

Most events like this usually happen during the week and in the middle of a work day...so for the working girl, they are nearly impossible to attend. I would normally be one of those working girls unable to attend, but on this day however...I had some free time.

Sadly, I cant say that I actually met her or that I got her autograph (the line for that was insane) but I did get to see her. I tried her new drink, bought her new book, and snapped a few photos. It was exciting and fun and I'm so glad I was able to go.

  

Haboob - 1 Phoenix - 0

Haboob
[huh-boob]
–noun

a thick dust storm or sandstorm that blows in the deserts of North Africa and Arabia or on the plains of India

 

 

They blow in the deserts of Phoenix, Arizona as well...Who knew?!  It was pretty cool to watch...but not so cool to clean up after.

A little less shady please!

Things don't always go the way I want. Surprising huh? You would think that I would know this by now...that I wouldn't be surprised when things go wrong. But, once again I am surprised by the actions of others and a little disappointed that things didn't go the way I wanted. I guess life wouldn't be to much fun if everything went my way or if people were always as good as I expect them to be. Needless to say, my career with Mercy Medical was very short lived...3 weeks to be exact. Along with a nice size salary, I was promised bonuses, a suit and dry cleaning allowance, and that I would be paid to get manicures and pedicures. Sound too good to be true? Well....it was. Things got shady pretty fast. I won't go into too much detail, but lets just say that after 3 weeks, one of our 3 employees was fired, the doors hadn't opened to customers, and...I hadn't been paid. Not being paid alone was enough for me to realize that I needed to get the heck outta there.

So...Here I am, once again...temporarily retired. I'm hoping the next opportunity to come my way is a little less shady and a little more reliable.

And for those of you who are wondering, yes....I eventually got paid. :)

God is Good...

Today I remembered something my mom would to say to the congregation every Sunday before she preached her sermon. She would say "God is GOOD!" and they would reply "All the Time!" Then she would say "All the Time" and they replied "God is GOOD!" How very true that is! Now...I've always believed that God is good, he has showed me that time after time through my journey. It's just, sometimes...when a person starts to get focused on the hussle and bussle of life...they can forget just how good he is.

I received some pretty awesome news on Friday! Two companies that I have been interviewing with offered me a job. Lauren, my contact at the agency, told me that I'm very lucky to have 2 job offers in this tough economy. She believes its luck...but I happen to know its something much greater than that. The decision to quit my job came after seeking wise council and...after much prayer. I remember the moment I knew quitting my job was the right idea. I had a sense of peace and I knew that God would find something for me. He always seems to place me right where I need to be and I knew this time would be no different. What I didn't know was that he would provide me 2 wonderful job offers in such a short amount of time! God is so good!

So which job did I decide to take? Well...after talking with Eric, my family and friends, I decided to take the position at Mercy Medical Family Centre. I've wanted to get back into the medical field but had come to the decision that it would be impossible unless I had more training and experience. Good thing God knew different!  I'm so very excited and cannot wait to start work. I cannot wait to see what wonderful opportunities come my way.

God is GOOD, All the Time!  All the Time, God is GOOD!!!

Temporary Retirement

It's official! I've been unemployed exactly for 29 days 11 hours and 45 minutes, give or take a few. I like to say I'm "temporarily retired". Most might think I'm insane for quitting my job without something else lined up, others might just call it plain stupid. Whatever the case, It's my insanity and it's Wonderful! I was so miserable at my last job...so much so that it just sucked the life right out of me. I went to bed at night dreading the day ahead of me and I woke up every morning counting the minutes until 5:00. I slept, I worked, and I came home only to start it all over again the next day. It finally got to the point where I was asking myself "Why are you doing this?!" The answer to that was....I have no clue!! I have come to the conclusion that I only have ONE life....God gave me one amazing life to live and I cannot and should not be living it in misery. I just don't think that's what He would want. So...I prayed, I debated, and I prayed again. I finally decided to quit my job. Walking out of the office on my last day was so liberating! I was taking control of my life in a way I never had. I didn't care what people thought...I knew what I felt. I needed to get the heck outta dodge (a saying I learned from my mom)! I feel like I've gotten my life back. I no longer dread waking up and it seems my days run out of time. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm now free to find a job that makes me happy, where I'm useful and appreciated...where I can use the talents and gifts God gave me and intended me to use.

So what is that job you ask? Well...I don't know! Seems I don't know much these days. You would think at 32 years old I would have it all figured out...that I should know exactly who I am and what I'm suppose to do now that I'm "grown" up. My mom said that she didn't find out what she wanted to do and what made her truly happy until she was 45 or so. She said that MOST people never figure it out! I can't imagine going through life never knowing why I was put here on earth. Sure, I know we were all put here by God and for God....that we are to love Him, and love others. But that doesn't really help a girl out when trying to find a job! I want a job where I can do more, where I can make a difference and use the gifts God gave me. Sounds easy enough, right? Well...I've come to learn its not. Job interview after job interview, I leave saying "God, is this where you want me to be?" So far...he hasn't responded. I try not to get too discouraged because I know He will point me in the right direction, he will put me right where I am suppose to be. In the meantime, I'm going to sit back, relax and enjoy my temporary retirement.

What's in a Blog?

I recently had someone tell me that I needed to start a blog.  This is something that I've heard from several people over the past few years. Three times I tried...and three times failed. I've never been the eloquent one when it comes to words and expressing my thoughts onto paper and I most certainly do not lead a life that is full of adventure or glamour. I'm just a regular girl, doing regular things, and living my life the best way I know how. So again...when asked "why don't you start a blog?", I found myself faced with the question...To blog or not to blog? As you can see, I've decided to blog and I'm hoping that this is my final and successful try.

Soooo what's in a blog anyway? I've spent the past 2 days thinking about some of the blogs I've read. There have been blogs about adventures while living in another country. Blogs about families and kids. Blogs about life and spiritual journeys. And my favorite...blogs about hair, make-up and clothes...I'm a sucker for some good beauty tips! So...why have people in my life told me to start a blog? Was it because they thought my life was super exciting? Did they think that I had some great wisdom to share? Maybe they thought it was a great way of expressing everything I needed to say...Sort of like, free therapy. Whatever their reasoning, they thought I should start one. So here it is. My life. It might be boring and bland since I don't live in another country, I don't have kids and I'm definitely not a fashionista. Either way...It's my life...and I love it!